Boredom
by DarkJediJade
Summary: Mara Jade goes on a killing spree- possibly the most pointless fic in existence. :p


Title: Boredom

Summery: Mara goes on a killing spree.

Intro: Ok ppls, I'm very bored, so I wrote this. It's stupid, pointless, and

just plain weird! All these characters are copyright to Lucasfilm, except

the the Purple Sith, who I don't know who he belongs to. Anyways, he

belongs to his creators. Ok folks?

A/N: I wrote this over 10 years ago while quite drunk, and on several days of no sleep. After a lot of digging through old disks I found it again and decided to post it for the lulz… after fixing about 50 typos. If you haven't guessed "the Purple Sith" refers to Barney. This is probably one of the most pointless fics in existence… but what the heck. It still amuses me. XD

One day, Mara decided she was bored, and she felt like killing someone.

Luke wouldn't approve, but he never did anyways. He was no fun! 'Now

who to kill...' Mara thought. The first person who popped to mind was

Callista. Grabbing her lightsaber, and a few styles of blasters, she left a

note for Luke.

"Gone to kill Callista, and anyone else I hate who pops to mind.

Be back before dinner."

That done, she went to Callista's apartment (she knew Callista was on

Coruscant, but she hadn't told Luke). Knocking on the door, she was

slightly startled by Callista opening the door in her bathrobe, and looking

utterly miserable. "What is it Jade?" she asked through a stuffed nose,

"Come to rub in my face the fact you got Luke, and I didn't again?" Smiling

brightly, Mara shook her head.

"Nope! I came to cure your cold."

"Oh really?" Callista asked warily. She didn't trust Mara at all

(probably a good idea, given what we all know will happen next).

"Yup!" Mara said, pulling out her lightsaber. Before Callista could

whine a protest, she killed her. Thinking for a moment, Mara realized how

much she hated Qui. Especially after Luke had helped Mara discover her

parents were Alderaanians, and it was Qui's fault they were dead, not the

Emperor's.

Mara started skipping happily as she neared Qui's door. She managed to

control herself once she reached the door. Mara was surprised to see Wedge

open the door, wearing only his boxers and (you guessed it) a bathrobe.

"Is Qui here?" Mara asked sweetly.

"Yeah, sure, I'll go get her." Wedge said sleepily. Coming to the

door, Qui smiled at Mara.

"Oh! I was planning on coming to see you later! I wanted to show

you this wonderful plan I've got for a-"

"Stuff it." Mara said, cutting off Qui's over cheerful greeting. Before

Qui or Wedge could do anything, Mara took her hand blaster and shot Qui.

"Have a nice day." she said to Wedge who was staring at Mara, shocked at

what she'd done. As she was starting to walk back to her and Luke's

apartment, it occurred to Mara how much she hated Admiral Daala.

It took only a few hours to get to Daala's house on Mryrk (the woman had

decided she though Yalsamiri were adorable after a bump on the head), in

the Jade's Fire. Landing the ship near Daala's house, Mara walked over to it,

and knocked on the door. Daala opened the door wearing (surprise, surprise),

her bathrobe. "Good morning, Jade. Are you aware it's 6 am, local time?"

Mara shook her head.

"Nope, just got here. Anyways, I got some unfinished business

with you."

"Could it wait until a more reasonable hour?" Daala asked. Mara

shook her head no.

"Sorry, I got a tight schedule to keep. For your sake, I'll make

this quick though."

"Good." Daala said (dumb idea...). Nodding, Mara pulled out a

blaster and shot Daala.

"See, I kept it short." Mara said grinning, and skipping back to

her ship.

Kyp Durron was next on her list of people to kill, Mara decided. He'd

destroyed her Z75-Headhunter, and was just plain annoying anyways.

Landing on Yavin 4 at the Jedi Academy, Mara stepped out, and was

greeted (unfortunately) by Lando, who had decided to deliver some

supplies to the little brats- err, Jedi. Grinning broadly at Mara, Lando

called out to her (she's right next to him, but Lando's being an idiot).

"Why hello there Miss Jade! Fancy meeting you here!" Mara

growled, and shoved him off the Temple roof. It wasn't enough to kill him,

but enough of a fall to really hurt him. Walking to where she knew Kyp's

room was, Mara knocked on the door. Kyp came out wearing his Jedi...

bathrobe (hehehe... you knew I was going to do that, didn't you).

"Yes Mara?" he asked.

"I'm here to kill you." she announced so cheerfully, it took Kyp a

minute to realize what she'd said. That realization came too late though,

because Mara already had the upper hand. While her was fumbling to get

his lightsaber, Mara was already swinging her's towards him. By the time

Kyp got (almost got actually) his lightsaber, it was too late. Mara's blade

had already connected with his body. Skipping happily back to the ship,

she almost tripped over Lando, who was still unconscious from his long

fall. Stepping over to him, she went back to her ship, and decided to take

a break from killing people, by destroying something. What to destroy...

then Mara had an idea.

A short hyperspace jump, and Mara was at the ship yard. Spotting her

target, she flew at full speed, blasting as many Y-Wings as she could.

After making several more passes, there was no more Y-Wings. She was

going to leave to go home, when a ugly green and purple ship dropped

out of hyperspace. No- it couldn't be! But it was! Greedo and the Purple

Sith had teamed up! It was their ship, the Ugly Bathrobe! "Noooooo!"

Mara screamed. She then turned her ship towards them, and started firing

all she had at them. The ugly ship's shields worked extremely well. Then

she discovered that the underside was unshielded. A few blasts and the

ship was destroyed. Having done enough damage today, Mara headed

home.

She arrived home, just as Luke finished making dinner. Mara walked in,

and Luke smiled. "Just in time." he said, then asked, "Where have you

been all day?" Smiling Mara told him the truth.

"Well, first I killed Callista, then Qui Xux, "Admiral" Daala, and

Kyp Durron. I also shoved Lando off the Jedi Temple- he lived though.

What else... oh yes, I destroyed several hundred Y-Wings, and killed

Greedo and the Purple Sith. They dropped out of hyperspace right

in front of me, as I was getting ready to come home."

"Well, sounds like you had an interesting day." Luke said, then

added, "Although you know I don't approve of your killing people when

you get bored." Mara nodded.

"I know. So what did you do today, besides make dinner?"

Luke shrugged.

"Nothing much. I just felt like sitting around al day in my... (wait

for it folks) PJ's (ha! had ya fooled, didn't I?).


End file.
